It's odd being married. The connection we have almost feels a bit magical. Through this entire experience with him becoming a truck driver I've felt slightly different. Here's the only way I can explain it. It feels like a very strong string wound around my heart. Whenever he's near it's ok but when he's gone the other end of the string goes with him tightening around my heart. Sometimes before he leaves my heart unwinds a little to allow more distance but that also seems to hurt. He is currently in the same state but soon he will be halfway across the country. It's unwound enough for him to travel the distance but I still feel that uncomfortable tug. I know the string won't break, our connection is strong but that doesn't mean it's comfortable or doesn't hurt a bit.
I know this is right. This is suppose to happen. Nothing falls into place quite this perfect if it wasn't meant to be. So I'll be waiting, with my heart wrapped in this string waiting for him to come back to me.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Friday, September 30, 2016
Creative Binge
This is a three paragraph descriptive story I wrote during a creative binge. I don't normally put things such as this out there due to my insecurities but this one is special. I feel it has a raw beauty to it that is captivating and emotional. Enjoy.
Alone
I watch as she clings to the door frame. She thinks she's alone but I've been by her side this entire time. The once strong woman I married has been reduced to a fragile weak girl. The tears stream down her face and fall to the floor. It kills me seeing her this way, knowing I'm the cause of this pain. I walk across the room to be by her side and brush the tear soaked hair out of her face. She looks past me; her eyes no longer full of the sparkle and life they once had. As she closes her eyes her body convulses and she slides to the floor.
I ease her down softly wanting to tell her I never left. Her screams piercing the silence its the only sound resonating through the walls. As the screams become sobs the house takes a breath, creaking with the amount of sorrow in the room. We sit together and as all becomes quiet I watch as the frail widow reaches into the depths of herself, grasping for the tiniest bit of courage she can muster. She pauses a moment to make sure she is holding it tightly. I watch in awe as she takes a deep breath and manifests her courage into strength. She rises slowly, unsteady her feet like a child learning to walk; forces back the tears and makes her way down the hall.
I sit here in the floor and I can't help but smile as her shadow disappears into our bedroom. She may be broken but she found her strength, her will to live. We will meet again soon, but until then I know she will pick herself up off the floor even when everything is broken. As I stand I hear her muffled hum of our song. I go to be with her, to keep her safe until she's in my arms once again.
Alone
I watch as she clings to the door frame. She thinks she's alone but I've been by her side this entire time. The once strong woman I married has been reduced to a fragile weak girl. The tears stream down her face and fall to the floor. It kills me seeing her this way, knowing I'm the cause of this pain. I walk across the room to be by her side and brush the tear soaked hair out of her face. She looks past me; her eyes no longer full of the sparkle and life they once had. As she closes her eyes her body convulses and she slides to the floor.
I ease her down softly wanting to tell her I never left. Her screams piercing the silence its the only sound resonating through the walls. As the screams become sobs the house takes a breath, creaking with the amount of sorrow in the room. We sit together and as all becomes quiet I watch as the frail widow reaches into the depths of herself, grasping for the tiniest bit of courage she can muster. She pauses a moment to make sure she is holding it tightly. I watch in awe as she takes a deep breath and manifests her courage into strength. She rises slowly, unsteady her feet like a child learning to walk; forces back the tears and makes her way down the hall.
I sit here in the floor and I can't help but smile as her shadow disappears into our bedroom. She may be broken but she found her strength, her will to live. We will meet again soon, but until then I know she will pick herself up off the floor even when everything is broken. As I stand I hear her muffled hum of our song. I go to be with her, to keep her safe until she's in my arms once again.
Friday, July 29, 2016
Tank update Friday!
(I know I haven't posted in FOREVER but I'm going to move my tank updates from facebook to my blog post; so here goes.)
Occupants: 1 Angelfish, 7 Corydoras, snails
Planted: yes
Water Conditions: perfect
Notes: The 30Gal got a new light so they are no longer in the dark. the light that came with the tank burned the bulb out in less than a month so I decided just to buy a 10$ grow light instead of getting the aquarium light bulb for 8$. The snail population has exploded... I thought I had killed all the snails because I hadn't seen any in a while but I definitely have them and they are getting huge.
Names: Arrow is the Angelfish. The Corydoras are Julian and the Spartans
Tank: 3 Gal
Occupants: 1 Betta
Planted: yes
Water Conditions: perfect
Notes: I moved the other betta out of my 3 gallon because I accidentally fell in love with the new betta and I just HAD to have him. I went to Wal-Mart to pick up some medicine for my sick little betta and my husband showed him to me. He seems very happy in the 3 gallon, although he is very very shy. It is planted with a betta hammock and a diy terracotta filter. He doesn't seem to mind the bubbles too much. I'm also having some issues with brown algae and my moss ball is looking pretty pathetic...
Name: Zeus
Tank: 10Gal
Occupants: 1 betta
Planted: no
Water Conditions: cycling
Notes: I put my sick boy in a 10 gallon with a breeder net. I dosed with Bettafix and after a couple days if he doesn't show significant improvement I am going to get some Bettamax. I really don't want to loose him... his gills are really inflamed and he has a bump in between his gills in the front. He lays on the bottom and sometimes curls around. I gave him his first dose yesterday and it has seemed to help; he is no longer laying on his side. Going to do at least a 50% water change every 3 days.
Name: Calypso
So those are my fish. I'm considering starting to do plant updates as well... I have a succulent, an aloe and multiple sprigs of devils ivy. Mondays? That sounds good. Be on the lookout for those posts. I am also going to make an RIP memorial fish post. I've lost many fish recently and I would like to make a post about all of them.
Tank update Friday!
Tank: 30GalOccupants: 1 Angelfish, 7 Corydoras, snails
Planted: yes
Water Conditions: perfect
Notes: The 30Gal got a new light so they are no longer in the dark. the light that came with the tank burned the bulb out in less than a month so I decided just to buy a 10$ grow light instead of getting the aquarium light bulb for 8$. The snail population has exploded... I thought I had killed all the snails because I hadn't seen any in a while but I definitely have them and they are getting huge.
Names: Arrow is the Angelfish. The Corydoras are Julian and the Spartans
Tank: 3 Gal
Occupants: 1 Betta
Planted: yes
Water Conditions: perfect
Notes: I moved the other betta out of my 3 gallon because I accidentally fell in love with the new betta and I just HAD to have him. I went to Wal-Mart to pick up some medicine for my sick little betta and my husband showed him to me. He seems very happy in the 3 gallon, although he is very very shy. It is planted with a betta hammock and a diy terracotta filter. He doesn't seem to mind the bubbles too much. I'm also having some issues with brown algae and my moss ball is looking pretty pathetic...
Name: Zeus
Tank: 10Gal
Occupants: 1 betta
Planted: no
Water Conditions: cycling
Notes: I put my sick boy in a 10 gallon with a breeder net. I dosed with Bettafix and after a couple days if he doesn't show significant improvement I am going to get some Bettamax. I really don't want to loose him... his gills are really inflamed and he has a bump in between his gills in the front. He lays on the bottom and sometimes curls around. I gave him his first dose yesterday and it has seemed to help; he is no longer laying on his side. Going to do at least a 50% water change every 3 days.
Name: Calypso
So those are my fish. I'm considering starting to do plant updates as well... I have a succulent, an aloe and multiple sprigs of devils ivy. Mondays? That sounds good. Be on the lookout for those posts. I am also going to make an RIP memorial fish post. I've lost many fish recently and I would like to make a post about all of them.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
Hey Mom, long time no see...
Alright so my mother passed away a while back in 2008. There has been a couple dreams I've had about her and its almost as if she was actually there, kinda like she came to visit me. Me and my sister had an identical dream about her and later discovered we had the same dream on the same night, with only slight differences that were time clues (she came to see my sister first then me because she had moved an item across the table we were sitting at). I had a dream about her before I married my husband and in that dream she pretty much told me that she approves and that she really likes him. I had another dream later that I had to tell my sister because mom was trying to get a hold of her and she wouldn't listen. Also in that same dream mom told me how much she liked Melinda and that she couldn't think of anyone who would've been better for my dad than her. She was very glad they were getting married. Then there were the occasional dreams of that she was there but no one needed to tell her that she was gone because "she didn't like to talk about that". Its almost as if she has been checking in on me.
Today I had another dream. I walked into a house and her and my husband were talking going through some clothes. She greeted me and asked if I could help her find the black dress my grandmother got my sister for Christmas. She said she needed it because her friend April was going to die this weekend and she wanted to be there to pick her up at her funeral. I agreed and she said how much weight Nicki had lost and how good she looked. She then saw Gabe crawling across the floor to her and she turned and scooped him up giving him a huge hug. He was giggling and laughing at her. Then she turns to me and says : "Ya know, I would've been a horrible grandmother, I hated getting old. But he really is something, I'm sorry I don't come down as often anymore. You've got a family now and other things to worry about." She started to cry. It was almost like a goodbye. It also seemed like she wished she wouldn't have died but she also knew that she was suppose to and had accepted it. Then she said "well I gotta go, I'm gonna be late, see ya later"
I know everyone probably thinks I'm crazy but it feels like I still have a relationship with my mom even though shes been gone for so long now. Another thing that bothers me is that I don't know who April is. My moms best friend Teresa used to have a friend named April (I think) but she never knew her. It concerns me because I don't know who this person is. Oh well, I'll know one day I guess.
Today I had another dream. I walked into a house and her and my husband were talking going through some clothes. She greeted me and asked if I could help her find the black dress my grandmother got my sister for Christmas. She said she needed it because her friend April was going to die this weekend and she wanted to be there to pick her up at her funeral. I agreed and she said how much weight Nicki had lost and how good she looked. She then saw Gabe crawling across the floor to her and she turned and scooped him up giving him a huge hug. He was giggling and laughing at her. Then she turns to me and says : "Ya know, I would've been a horrible grandmother, I hated getting old. But he really is something, I'm sorry I don't come down as often anymore. You've got a family now and other things to worry about." She started to cry. It was almost like a goodbye. It also seemed like she wished she wouldn't have died but she also knew that she was suppose to and had accepted it. Then she said "well I gotta go, I'm gonna be late, see ya later"
I know everyone probably thinks I'm crazy but it feels like I still have a relationship with my mom even though shes been gone for so long now. Another thing that bothers me is that I don't know who April is. My moms best friend Teresa used to have a friend named April (I think) but she never knew her. It concerns me because I don't know who this person is. Oh well, I'll know one day I guess.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Whats to come
So update time.
Tomorrow will be my last blog post in the series of my Thankful friends week. Its going to be a special one because its going to be about my family. I have really enjoyed doing this series and I'm thinking I might do a Special December series as well. Going to do some planning and maybe get a layout going this weekend. January is probably going to be a very busy month. I'm going to try to schedule my gastric bypass somewhere in there. Gotta make sure everything goes smoothly. But yep very excited about tomorrow (today)!!! Its Gabriels very FIRST Thanksgiving! I'm so very excited. I hope he has a very good one. I remember last Thanksgiving wasn't very fun for me, even though I did get discharged from the hospital, that is still kinda the beginning of my hospital stay during pregnancy. I can't believe its already been almost a year since he was born... WOW just big WOW
Anyway my peeps. I will see you tomorrow well today! Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Tomorrow will be my last blog post in the series of my Thankful friends week. Its going to be a special one because its going to be about my family. I have really enjoyed doing this series and I'm thinking I might do a Special December series as well. Going to do some planning and maybe get a layout going this weekend. January is probably going to be a very busy month. I'm going to try to schedule my gastric bypass somewhere in there. Gotta make sure everything goes smoothly. But yep very excited about tomorrow (today)!!! Its Gabriels very FIRST Thanksgiving! I'm so very excited. I hope he has a very good one. I remember last Thanksgiving wasn't very fun for me, even though I did get discharged from the hospital, that is still kinda the beginning of my hospital stay during pregnancy. I can't believe its already been almost a year since he was born... WOW just big WOW
Anyway my peeps. I will see you tomorrow well today! Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Thursday, November 21, 2013
November Thankful Friends Week #3
I'm going to do a November Thankful Friend Week this month. So every week in November I will pick 7 of the people I am thankful for and why. I have so many friends and If I don't put you up here just know that I really do love you and I am thankful for everyone. This is more to let some of ya'll know just how much I appreciate you and how special you are to me.
Tina and her husband Alex have the cutest little boy ever named James. I love ALL of her videos. She seems really down to earth and her entire family has a wonderful since of humor. Not to mention James is about 2 months older than Gabe.
Marie is another Youtube mommy and I love following her videos. She just recently had a little baby boy named Luca. She is so optimistic and has the sweetest little family. She also has a daughter named Scarlet. She does a lot of day in the life videos and those are always entertaining to watch.
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The last youtube mommy I follow is pretty awesome. Her channel is called obbsandlala and she does a lot of favorites videos also a lot of meals of the week. Shes got an adorable little boy named Liam and its really neat just seeing some of the stuff that hes into.
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This is Ms Bunny. Shes more of a makeup youtuber. One of her serise that I love is "Does this thing really work" Its where she takes as seen on TV products and tests them on video. Its really awesome and I do love her follow me around stores videos. Shes also very down to earth and loves thrift shopping.
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Another beauty guru that I LOVE has to be Cora from vintageortacky. Shes a bigger girl and has just inspired me to be confident with myself. She does an amazing job with her makeup and i love all of her tutorials, they never disappoint.
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I love watching Hayden and Sam on their adventures with minecraft. Do I play minecraft? No but I do really enjoy watching their videos. They are extremely entertaining. My favorite of their series is the underground series 1.0 and 2.0 are both really great.
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I love Pat, He is amazing and keeps me a little bit more sane throughout my life... anytime I need a pick me up I can just watch his minecraft videos and I feel tons better. Again I don't play but I love watching others play. Not to mention he really cares about his viewers. If you leave a comment it gives you a chance to win a spot in this thing he created called the Fansion. Hes really really cool.
Alrighty so that is my November thankful friends week # 3 YOU TUBE edition. Please go check out their channels, I promise you they wont disappoint. I watch youtube so much because a lot of times I really do need a break from everything. Its difficult raising 3 kids and its really nice having somewhere to connect to others and get your mind off stuff...
Anyway I am going to come up with an extra special edition next week because this will be going up on Thanksgiving. I might try to do a video. Although I don't know because my last video I couldn't put up due to issues with my editor. Anyways See Ya Next Week
I believe that in life people make your journey colorful and out of everything i'm thankful for my colorful journey.
Love Yall
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