One step behind

So I got a call from Dr. Kim's office today and found out my insurance only covers 80% so that would leave me with the other 20% to take care of.  They don't even take my medicaid.  So that sucks...  BUT I have an Informational session scheduled at Tampa General for Dr. Murr this Friday.  I know he takes both my primary insurance and my medicaid so ... Hopefully I don't have to pay much if any out of pocket.  I know I will have to pay the 750.00 for the program fee but hopefully that's it.   I already have my letter of medical necessity so I won't have to worry about that. Very excited...

A Day to Remember

I have not turned my back on you 
So there is no need to cry. 
I'm watching you from heaven 
Just beyond the morning sky. 

I've seen you almost fall apart 
When you could barely stand. 
I asked an angel to comfort you 
And watched her take your hand. 

She told me you are in more pain 
Than I could ever be. 
She wiped her eyes and swallowed hard 
Then gave your hand to me. 

Although you may not feel my touch 
Or see me by your side. 
I've whispered that I love you 
While I wiped each tear you cried. 

So please try not to ache for me 
We'll meet again one day. 
Beyond the dark and stormy sky 
A rainbow lights the way.
~Authour Unknown



That's the poem I posted to my facebook Feb 21 2012.  I had miscarried Feb 18.  It was difficult for me but I've grown from it.  It does hurt still even though I only knew of her 2 weeks.  Even though she was so small, even though I never got to see her or hold her I still loved her.  Today I lit a candle for her and it burned over an hour.  Time has healed a lot.  I've accepted but that doesn't mean I will forget.  I will never forget.  My thoughts on this helped me cope with my loss:  I believe that for every miscarriage you have that's how many babies you will have in heaven.  Why not?  Why not carry to term your baby that you were unable to on earth?  I'll see her again someday.  (maybe even 2 others, twice I thought I was pregnant before but no positive tests and afterwards miscarriage symptoms; no way of knowing now.) 

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 But anyway, My trip to Tampa with my sister was fun. We went to lighthouse thrift shop and I got Gabe lots and lots of clothes.  We then went to eat at Kobe in Brandon and it was SOOOOO good.  Gabe loved the fire and he ate like a horse.  He had 2 pouches, all aunt Nini's potatoes, half my zucchini, rice and noodles.  (lets just say he didn't want anything the rest of the night).  We then went to my sisters doctors appointment and I got to meet her surgeon, Dr. Murr.  I really liked him the only problem is I don't think I will be able to come up with the 750$ for the program fee.  Its the only thing not covered under my insurance. Tomorrow I have an appointment at Celebration Health, I really hope their program fee isn't expensive.  This surgery means the world to me and I am so close. I can't wait for this and I've wanted it for a very very Long time.

  Anyway guys, Take care 

Oh a video of Gabe at the park:

Round 3, Fight

     I quit smoking... yeah it took longer than I wanted but since Monday I have been smoke free!  October 16th I go to a seminar in Orlando to meet my surgeon and get started with the gastric bypass. I am so excited and ready to start this new chapter in my life.

     This will be my third attempt at the gastric bypass.  The first time was in 2008 and I went through the six month weight loss program and i had to go through a psychiatrist and that fell though at the last minute because I moved. My second attempt was in 2012 and again I went though the six months and on the sixth month I found out I was pregnant with Gabriel.  So now is attempt number 3.  My insurance actually changed its policy and I no longer have to go through the six months of medically supervised weight loss.  They replaced it with a surgeons recommendation due to medical necessity.  In order to prove medical necessity you must have a BMI of over 40 (mines about 55) and a bunch of documentation.  In other words it seems to me that I may be having this surgery pretty soon.... On a different note:

     I think I am going to actively start vloging my journey on YouTube.  I don't know if anyone wants to see it but I think it would be interesting to at least have a record of my journey. At least I want to vlog. I love watching other peoples vlogs and would love to get more involved in that type of community.

     Gabriel is FINALLY mobile... its took a while but he can crawl and get around in a walker. I don't like to use the walker often but until we get the house FULLY baby proof I kinda have to. We have to get some baby gates and we need to install some child locks on our cabinets.  We have a couple but not enough.   Not to mention he has been pulling up on EVERYTHING... and I mean everything.  The problem is we don't have any carpet in our house, its just tile and rugs.  So crawling can get pretty dangerous and I can't keep him in one spot because he just wants to GO GO GO...

     He Loves Tv, he loves watching it but not all the time, just sometimes. We also have been working very hard on him sleeping in his crib at night. There is still lots and lots of crying but we are getting it. Slowly but surely. Anyway guys and gals... Have a good day and God Bless